I sit here in front of my computer contemplating the past month I've been here.
The reason for coming to Korea was to do something bold. Not to say that others haven't done nor will I be the last. I just uprooted myself, cut my ties, and left. Without a moment's notice. Most people didn't find out until after I got here.
I've always considered myself to be a reasonable person... for the most part. And despite the fact that I've experienced so much and have had moments of bliss, I can't help but be dragged down by this awful feeling. And I feel like I've potentially lost the rest of my year here. I have so much anxiety in my brain.
Risks are a positive thing when you say "yes" to the right thing even though you don't know what's on the other side. But I take calculated risks only to realize that I'm incredibly bad at math. That's why I feel the way I do.
Because of this, I feel like I've ruined perfectly good friendships, relationships and my self-respect.
There are people out there with daggers in their smiles but that's no excuse.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not smart enough, or fast enough, or brave enough to move away from this. The irony is that I'm like this because of something I did with the intention of doing something awesome -- A vicious cycle. Even though there is a network of people who love and care about me, I feel like I'm by myself.
Now don't get me wrong. It's my problem. I'll go at it the way I see fit. I never intended to write something so personal on this photoblog but a little bird told me that I'm afraid of putting myself out there. So here I am. Scared out of my mind. For the first time in my life, I'm actually putting thoughts out into the universe in the hopes for an easy, smooth solution where we all win. I have a feeling that angry skies are coming. And that things will only get worse before they get better.
But truth be told, I regret nothing.
